The Matriarch Comeback
“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ”
As mothers, we have the divine privilege of stewarding our children's lives—to teach them unconditional love, instill values, and help develop their unique talents. Unfortunately, for many of us, that divine privilege has taken a back seat to distraction and great expectations.
I’m not here to cast stones at working mothers—Lord knows I am one of them—but lately, God has opened my eyes to how the role of women has changed, and how the shift is affecting the generations. Our presence in the home has been diminished in many ways, and frankly, when you take a woman out of the home, you take away the heart.
Jackie Kennedy said it best: “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.” I don’t know about you, but I hate to ‘bungle’ anything.
As I look around for strong women who lead their families well, it’s clear our role has dramatically shifted over the last 75 years. New expectations and unspoken rules have left a noticeable mark—not just on families, but on society. We have discounted what matters most.
Recently, I met with a woman I deeply respect. I hoped she might help with a community project, knowing she had given her time generously in the past. That’s why her response caught me off guard when she said, “I appreciate the opportunity, but I just can’t right now. I don’t have a lot on my calendar, but from day to day, I never know who in my family will need me. I might get a call from my daughter needing help with the boys, my husband, or my son. I want to be available for them.”
What surprised me wasn’t her “no”—it was the unapologetic way she put her family first, as it should more commonly be.
It made me realize somewhere along the way, women were called away from their families, and a new weight was added. Placing your family first was no longer enough—to be “somebody,” to have value, you also had to build an identity outside the home. For many of us, we were told to be successful in life you needed to earn good grades, go to college, and build a successful career. No one ever told me to be successful in life, I simply needed to focus on loving and serving my family.
What happened to the vital leadership role we play within our homes? Was the enemy so crafty to convince us it wasn’t enough? That our worth could only be found somewhere else? When did providing financially become the ultimate measure of value? When did we lose respect for stay-at-home mothers—for the women who unapologetically put their family first?
Who Is the Matriarch?
Many of us grew up with a strong grandmother. She was the “glue,” if you will—the one who held the family together. She set the tone, and everyone abided by her expectations and values. If Grandma didn’t curse, you didn’t either. If she said grace before meals, you followed suit. If she went to church every Sunday, the expectation was that you would be there too—and if you weren’t, you’d better have a good reason why.
She was altruistic, steadfast, and respected.
She was the matriarch.
What happened to the matriarch? How did we get here?
Before we dive into where she went, let’s define what “matriarch” actually means. By definition, a matriarch is a woman who is a central figure in the family—someone influential, intentional, and empowering. She’s a leader, a stabilizing presence, and a strong advocate not just for her family, but for what she believes in. Contrary to popular belief, having children is not a prerequisite for being a matriarch.
In the 1930s, it was understood that a woman’s place was in the home—managing the household and raising the children—while the man’s responsibility was to provide for the family financially.
Then came the World Wars, which dramatically disrupted family structures. Fathers left to fight in the war, and women stepped into roles in the workforce. Remember the “Rosie the Riveter” icon, which encouraged women to join the war effort? While the movement may have been born out of necessity and good intentions, its lasting effects on families have been arguably negative.
In 1950, according to the Pew Research Center, 84% of women stayed home with their children. Over time, more women entered the workforce, and the presence of the family matriarch began to fade. By the next generation—the Baby Boomers—it had become common, even expected, for both husband and wife to work outside the home. By 1967, less than half of mothers were staying home with their children, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.
The phrase “latchkey kid” then became more commonplace, describing children who returned to empty homes after school or spent long hours alone while their parents worked. By 1999, only 23% of mothers stayed home with their children. I remember very few of my friends or classmates whose mothers stayed home, and if they did it was because they were helping run the farm or ranch.
By the time the millennial generation entered the workforce and started families, the pendulum had swung even further. Women were no longer just encouraged to have careers—we were expected to thrive professionally. Then, somewhere along the way, the women who desired to stay home and raise their children were often degraded or dismissed as lazy. Sadly, their hearts were actually in the best place. In 2022, an estimated 15% of mothers stayed home with their children.
We were told we could “have it all”—that we could be both successful career women and devoted wives and mothers, but at what cost? It feels like many of us are waking up to this lie, as we watch how quickly our children grow and realize our time to influence them before they enter the world is incredibly finite. We might be able to have it all, but not all at the same time.
Where do we go from here?
Now, I’m not suggesting we abandon our vocations. For many women, that’s simply not a feasible option—even if they desire it. What I am suggesting is that we take time to examine our hearts. We’ve been told for far too long that being a good homemaker isn’t enough, that it doesn’t measure up to society’s definition of success.
If you find yourself searching for your identity outside the home, ask yourself—why? What is prompting your call? Is God calling you to additional work, or is it pressure from somewhere else? Be honest with yourself.
No matter your motives, it is time for a paradigm shift—a change in perspective and a change of heart. How do we reestablish the significance of our role within the home? How do we help young women understand just how important this role is for the well-being of their families? Finally, how do we stop discounting—and start encouraging—one another to be the steady, respected, and stabilizing presence our homes so desperately need?
The good news is that it appears we are already figuring this out. In 2023, the percentage of stay-at-home mothers rose to 24%—a 9% increase in just one year, according to Quartz. That’s not just a statistic—it’s a sign that something is shifting.
This return to the home isn’t just cultural or financial—it’s deeply biblical. One of my favorite passages is from Titus 2:3–5 (NKJV):
“The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
We were put on this earth to serve and glorify God. One of the most sacred ways we do that is by loving and serving our family. Whether you're a daughter, sister, wife, or mother, you hold an incredibly significant role. Be intentional with your time and remember what matters most.
Be the matriarch of your home.
Godspeed, my friend.
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“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.””
